So, I’m in a WhatsApp group for artists and everything was going well until, as an aside, I mentioned how the one thing I wish I could stop doing was streaming Love Island Season 2.  I meant because of the energy usage — we are an environmentally aware group — not the fact it was Love Island, but the whole conversation went dead.  So many likes and replies, and then nothing. 

Anyway, today, I met another artist, totally separate from the WhatsApp group, at a pub and somehow Twitter came up and we agreed it was horrible, but I said how I only followed sensible people, like Preet Bharara, Michael Mann (the climatologist) and my brother.  And, Ricky Gervais’s cat, who died last weekend, which really upset me.  I only mentioned Ollie, to make me seem more human and relatable.  And he was like, you follow a cat?   Sigh.  There is no way to defend yourself against someone who takes a tone like that.  The trouble is, one always tries.  

So, I showed him my twitter account, to prove how respectable it was, but accidentally it was set to my secret Love Island account, which I only use to write positive comments about Love Islanders, as PEOPLE JUDGE ME, so instead of Preet Bharara, all the tweets were about Love Island and hair cream, so then I had to explain that it was my secret account, but he judged me, of course, and I tried to say how Love Island was just like War and Peace, but more practical, and how as a teenager, I had looked to Natasha as my relationship guru, which didn’t work out too well, and Love Island would’ve been better, but somehow, he missed a few words and thought Natasha was a contestant from Love Island and Prince Andrei was, too.  He heard 'War and Peace’ and thought it was someone on the show named Warren Peace (which would be my new alter ego, but I’m sure it’s already been taken).

Anyway, I should really judge him, as he obviously has never read War and Peace and therefore is an illiterate.  Like, I described the whole plot, almost, and he still thought it all took place over six weeks in Majorca.