Let me bid you adieu. I just got off the phone with a hysterical cat woman, who said she was coming over to my apartment right now.
"Uh, but I'm at work.”
"You're at work and your cat is missing??”
"My aunt said she's probably just hiding. I shouldn't have called you and said she went up the chimney, because my aunt says that's highly unlikely.”
"I don't care what your aunt says. Does your fireplace have a chute?”
"I don't know.”
"Is it closed?”
"Uh…."
"That cat could be run over. Do you realise that? Do you realise how stressed she is?”
I think the woman started crying at this point, because she made some weird noises and then she said, "I'm sorry if I sound stressed, but this really bothers me. Where did you keep her last night?”
I think the woman started crying at this point, because she made some weird noises and then she said, "I'm sorry if I sound stressed, but this really bothers me. Where did you keep her last night?”
"Well, I had her in the bathroom, but I left the door open, because the other woman said I should do that, so she could wander out when she got the nerve.”
"Who told you that? I want her name! That is wrong!”
She wouldn't let me explain that the cat came out of the bathroom around 5 PM. And now I've gotten someone in trouble, because apparently I was supposed to keep the cat in a small room until it was old enough for college.
Thing is, I could swear it was this woman on the phone who told me that.
I kept trying to say the cat was purring and seemed happy, and that around 3 AM, she suddenly got all playful (I wasn't, of course).
"That is not true. All my cats sleep during the night. If that cat was awake, it was because she was frightened.”
She didn't seem frightened when she was pouncing on my toes every time I moved them.
Anyway, my cat was really cute. She disappeared somehow after 3:30 AM -- no open windows, no open cupboards. Just the chimney. And now the cat lady is coming over to tear me to pieces. Maybe I should call Wendy over -- she's taking care of her brother's German Shepherd, and he could come in handy.
HAPPY ENDING: Right after the cat lady arrived, and just as we sat down, Charlie wandered over, jumped on my lap and fell right asleep. It turned out she’d been hiding under the Lazy Boy.