I asked Ray, my frame store friend, what was the longest someone had left an order before picking it up.

“18 years. I remembered it well, because it was my first day on the job, and I didn’t take a deposit. I got in a lot of trouble because of that.”

18 years later, the guy came in and said, “Uh, I dropped something off about a year ago. I’d like to pick it up now.”

“It was 18 years ago!”

The guy broke down and said he’d gotten divorced, moved out of the country, moved back, gotten divorced again, etc. etc.

“What did you charge him?”

“The original price! 20 quid. Now it’d cost 65 quid."

I didn’t tell him about how I once left my Miata for a year at the repair shop — I’d dropped it off to get the zipper fixed. But still, I could feel smug, as 18 years > 1 year.

He also said a lady came in with a curtain rod. “I want to return this.”

“We don’t sell curtain rods.”

“I don’t care what you sell. I want a refund.”

He kept trying to explain that she’d have to return the curtain rod where she'd bought it, and she kept demanding a refund.

Another time, a lady called: “My window is broken. I need you to come and replace it. But there is something I have to tell you.”

“What’s that?”

“I have no intention of paying you.”

"I can’t fix it for free.”

“That’s why I’m telling you now! I have no intention of paying you.”

“OK, well, I have no intention of coming over and fixing it, then.”

I wish I worked in a frame shop!